What Everyone Missed
by chelseyb
Summary: Sometimes no one sees what's right in front of them. Various characters discover & react to a certain surprising relationship. Used to be a oneshot called "What Remus Expected." A series of related oneshots. Rating for implied sexual situations.
1. What Remus Expected

**Disclaimer: **Let me check ... nope, still not JK Rowling. Darn.

**Author's Note: **Just a short little one-shot of one of several ways I think the Tonks-depressed-over-Lupin storyline could have gone. Set during Christmas of HBP. If you're a fan of the Lupin/Tonks relationship, you probably won't like this. Rated T for implications just to be careful.

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><p><strong>What Remus Expected<strong>

"_You know you love me, Remus."_

"_You deserve better than me."_

"_But I want _you_."_

"_I'm old."_

"_You're sexy."_

"_I'm poor."_

"_I have a job."_

"_I'm dangerous."_

"_Well once a month, I am, too. Besides, I'm an Auror. I get my kicks from danger."_

"_Do you take anything seriously?"_

"_You."_

"_This isn't going to happen. You need to move on."_

"_I'm not going anywhere, Remus Lupin. You'll come around one day, and I'll be here when you do."_

Remus sighed. Deep down inside, where he kept things he admitted only to himself and no one else, he knew he loved her. How could he not? She was young and beautiful and smart and absolutely irrepressible. And for some reason, she had stubbornly decided to love him. Her persistence tugged at his heart, for in his core all Remus wanted was to be accepted. For all those reasons he loved her, she deserved so much more than he could give her, and he pushed her away. Between her work and the Order and her clumsiness (which he found endearing), her life was hard enough. He would not condemn her to years of judgment and hardship, something he knew all too well.

Despite her vow during their last conversation, Remus hoped she would finally give up. He had thought that spending the last three months at Hogwarts, away from him, would have helped her get over him. Busy enough himself, he hadn't written her once. But then she had shown up, unannounced and unexpected, to Christmas dinner at the Burrow. The Weasleys and Harry were all pleasantly surprised, exclaiming over her presence and showering her with hugs. Simultaneously happy and regretful, Remus assumed that by showing up when she knew he'd be there, she had moved on. But all it took was one look at her mousy brown hair and the fact that she completely ignored him, sitting between Ron and Harry and talking to them the entire time, and he knew she was still depressed. He hated it.

"Have you seen Tonks, Remus?" Molly interrupted his musings. He looked up from the chair he occupied next to the fire. They had all drifted after dinner, most of them ending up in the sitting room.

He shook his head. "No, I haven't. I thought she was talking to Bill and Fleur."

Molly grimaced at the mention of her future daughter-in-law and glanced towards the couple. "She was, but she disappeared upstairs about ten minutes ago, and I haven't seen her since."

Remus frowned. "Perhaps she's just ..." He trailed off; what could she be doing? He hoped she wasn't crying in a bathroom.

"Would you go look for her, please? I hope she's alright." Molly fixed him with a look, and he glanced away guiltily. He knew Tonks had confided in Molly over the summer, and the woman was squarely on her side. She never missed an opportunity to remind Remus of this.

He rose reluctantly. "Sure, Molly." Actually, he had no desire to find Tonks. She was probably waiting to get him alone before she launched another appeal. But Remus was stuck between a rock and a hard place; it was either a lecture from Molly or a half-plea, half-demand from Tonks.

He started up the stairs. He slowly made his way up to the attic, checking each bedroom and bathroom. They were all open except for the room Harry slept in, but there was no reason for her to be in there, so he ignored it. When he reached the top, he frowned. He hadn't seen or heard any sign of Tonks. Perhaps she had slipped out unnoticed, but it was unlike her not to say goodbye to Molly at least.

Remus headed downstairs again, wondering where she could be. As he stepped past Harry's room on the second floor, he heard a girlish giggle. He stopped, turning to look at the door. What would she be doing in there? He was fairly certain Harry was with Ron and Ginny. He heard another giggle. Surely she wasn't drinking. She had joined Remus and Sirius for drinks a few times last year, but she never seemed the type to overindulge. And definitely not the type to sneak a bottle into a random bedroom at someone else's house. Then he heard a low moan, and Remus was both embarrassed and curious. He ought to go back downstairs and claim he couldn't find her, but he knew Molly would start searching the house. Better to interrupt Tonks in whatever she was doing now before Molly started opening doors, or Harry returned to his room.

"Tonks?" he said, lightly knocking on the door. Whispers, more giggles, and the rustle of bedclothes filtered out.

"Hold on!" she called, muffled. The door opened a crack and Remus stared.

"Oh, it's you," Tonks said in a tone of surprise. She was hiding behind the door, only her head peeking out. Unlike earlier, her hair was the brightest shade of bubblegum pink and quite messy.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but you should know Molly is looking for you," he said, avoiding her eyes.

"Is she?" Tonks said, obviously barely suppressing another giggle. What in the world had gotten into her? Then she stumbled, the leaning around the door apparently too much for her lack of balance, and Remus froze as her whole body came into view.

She wore an Oxford shirt that looked familiar but was most definitely not what she had worn earlier. It was too big and seemed to have been buttoned up in a hurry. The gap left by the uneven buttons showed the barest swell of a breast, and Remus swallowed. His eyes flicked downwards and he wished they hadn't, for where the shirt ended he could make out bright green knickers and nothing else.

"If it's Ron, he already knows about ... us ..." The other voice trailed off as a dark, very messy head appeared behind Tonks, and Remus was stunned to find himself looking into the green eyes of Harry. Harry that wore nothing but boxers. Harry who slid his arms around Tonks's waist in a very familiar, intimate manner. And then Remus remembered whose Oxford shirt Tonks wore.

"Oh, I'm sorry ... I just ..." Remus stammered.

"Well, Remus, you didn't think I'd wait around for you forever?" Tonks asked with a smile.

Remus stood on the landing, shocked and feeling like a fool. For the first time, he realized that that was, actually, sort of what he'd expected. And he definitely hadn't expected her to move on like this. He searched for something to say but could only think of one thing.

"You might want to try a Silencing Spell."

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I've marked this as complete, but if I get more ideas or suggestions, I might turn it into a series of how Tonks moves on & Remus finds out in a funny way. Or how others find out.


	2. What Tonks Did

**Author's Note:** This is for WhiteElfElder, who wanted a flashback of how Tonks & Harry got together in the first place. Definitely a T now.

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><p><strong>What Tonks Did<strong>

Tonks really didn't know why she was walking through Hogwarts on Halloween night. Well, technically she knew why: Dumbledore was gone and had asked Bill, Arthur, and herself to patrol the school. What she didn't know was where he went or what she was looking for. So Tonks simply wandered. She was disappointed that Remus wasn't there because she longed to see him, but she was glad he wasn't there because she couldn't stand to be rejected again. Being constantly turned down wasn't doing any wonders for her ego, and she was beginning to think she was a glutton for punishment. That stupid, silly, wonderful man. Why wouldn't he let himself be with her? He cared for her, she knew; not once did he reject her because he didn't care. Just his lame excuses.

Tonks shook her head and looked around. Where was she? The sixth floor, if her memory was correct. Not that it mattered; she'd keep roaming the halls until Dumbledore returned. Unfortunately that left her with a lot of time to think, and since she couldn't stop thinking about a certain werewolf, she had a long night ahead of her. She needed to get over him. Like, yesterday. Move on. Find someone else, anyone else. At this point in time, she'd take the next bloke that came along.

"Oof!"

Tonks ricocheted into the wall as someone (or something) came out from behind a tapestry and careened into her. She looked around rapidly, wand in hand, but she didn't see anything.

"Tonks?"

She frowned; that voice sounded familiar. "Harry?"

A dark head appeared to her right, followed by a body in a Hogwarts uniform, and belatedly she remembered Harry's invisibility cloak. "_Lumos._" Harry's wand lit up, and he examined a old-looking piece of parchment. "Tonks?"

She sighed and removed her Disillusionment Charm. "What are you doing here, Harry?"

"I could ask you the same question."

Tonks cast her own _Lumos_ charm. "Just ... you know I'm stationed in Hogsmeade."

"And this is Hogwarts, not Hogsmeade." Harry continued to gaze at her steadily.

"Shouldn't you be in bed?" she asked, side-stepping his question. "And how did you know I was here?"

"The Marauder's Map." He held up the parchment.

She wasn't sure she heard correctly. "The what map?"

"The Marauder's Map. My dad and his friends made this map that shows everyone in the castle. I couldn't sleep so I was just browsing the map, and I saw your name ..." He trailed off, looking a bit embarrassed. "I just wanted to know why you're here."

"Oh, you know ... Auror stuff, and Order stuff, it all overlaps sometimes," she stalled, fingering the edge of her robes. She surely wasn't going to tell him his Headmaster was off doing Merlin-knows-what and felt the castle needed extra security. "Are you stalking me, Harry?"

"No, just lucky, I guess." He smiled at her, and she tried to smile in return. It felt strange; had it been that long since a smile stretched across her face?

Apparently it looked as strange as it felt, for Harry peered at her uncertainly. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, Harry," she said, looking away. "Just ... things. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me," Harry retorted irritably. She turned back and looked at him like she was seeing him for the first time. Maybe it was the Department of Mysteries, or maybe it was the war, or maybe it was Sirius, but Harry looked like someone who knew a thing or two about pain.

"You don't happen to know where a girl can get a drink around here, do you?"

**oOo**

"This room is _brilliant_," Tonks enthused, waving her arm and sending the liquid in her glass flying. "We keep drinking and, and the bottles just keep appearing! It's like _magic_!"

"We should make res-, reso-, resolutions," Harry stated.

Tonks stared at him, her eyes going in and out of focus. "Why? 'Tisn't New Year's for two months."

"But it's Halloween, which is All Hallow's Eve," Harry explained matter-of-factly. "We need Halloween resolutions."

"Oh, of course." Tonks nodded as if he made complete sense. "I ... I, I resolve to get over Remus Lupin. Screw Remus!"

"Screw Remus!" Harry repeated emphatically. They clinked their drinks together and took long pulls. "I'll help you get over him, Tonks."

"You would do that, for me, Harry?" Tonks's voice wavered. "I reckon you're the nicest bloke ever!"

"You know who doesn't think I'm a nice bloke?" Harry said seriously. "Cho. Cho doesn't like me at all anymore. She cried when I kissed her."

"Are you that bad of a kisser?"

"I hope not," Harry said sadly. "I would really like to kiss a girl again."

Without warning, Tonks leaned forward and pressed her lips to Harry's. When she pulled away, Harry blinked. "What'd you do that for?"

"To see if you were a bad kisser," Tonks answered, grinning. "You're not."

"That's a relief," said Harry, wiping his brow. "Screw Cho!"

"Screw Cho!" echoed Tonks. "Cheers!"

Harry finished his drink and immediately poured another. "I would have liked to screw Cho, I think. You know, I resolve not to die a virgin!"

"Oh, that's a good one, Harry," said Tonks, giggling. "No one should die a virgin. I promise, I will make sure you get laid before you die."

She stuck her hand out, and Harry shook it. "It's a deal. To sex before death!"

"Screw death!" confirmed Tonks, raising her glass to meet Harry's.

As the drinks flowed, the litany of toasts continued, with each echoing the other.

"Screw detention!"

"Screw the Ministry!"

"Screw best friends who want to snog each other!"

"Screw constant vigilance!"

"Screw fat, bullying cousins!"

"Screw psychotic aunts!"

"Screw Voldemort!"

"Maybe psychotic aunts should screw Voldemort. Reckon they'd leave us alone then."

"That, that's disgusting, Tonks. Screw you!"

"Is that a request? Screw you!"

"Is that an invitation?"

"Maybe." Tonks winked at Harry, and he stared, goggle-eyed. She giggled. "It's just sex, Harry. Intercourse. Making love. Copulation. Boning. Screwing. Scoring. Hooking up. Banging. Shagging."

"Tonks, please stop!" Harry begged, laughing. "How many of those could you possibly have?"

"Oh, tons. We Aurors tend to be a raunchy lot," she said. "Catching the Snitch. Getting it on. Doing the deed. Coitus. Getting down and –"

This time, it was Harry who pressed his lips to Tonks's. When he finally released her, she hiccuped and giggled. "Why did you do that?"

"So you would shut up," he said frankly. "It worked."

She nodded. "Very effective. But why did you slip me the tongue?"

"Because I'm drunk."

"Well, that makes sense." And with that Tonks proceeded to drop her drink, spilling it all over the floor, and snog Harry until both were breathless.

"If I had known that drinking would lead to this, I would have picked up a bottle a long time ago," Harry said, attempting to pour the remains of the last bottle into his glass and missing entirely. "Oh, it's gone."

Tonks looked around. "There's no more. The room has abandoned us!"

"The room _never_ fails. It knows everything," Harry told her. "What do we do now?"

"Well, there's really only one thing we can do," Tonks said, grinning. Harry caught on immediately.

"You know, if I wasn't drunk I wouldn't be doing this," Tonks said in between kisses.

"If I wasn't drunk, neither would I," replied Harry. "Screw being sober!"

"Screw sobriety!" cheered Tonks.

"Tonks, I think I know a way to fulfill both of our resolutions right now," Harry said a while later. "A two for one special!"

"Well, I can never pass up a good deal."

**oOo**

Harry felt like he'd been pounded in the head with a thousand Bludgers. Rubbing his eyes, he stared up at a stone ceiling. He definitely wasn't in his four-poster in Gryffindor tower. Rolling to one side, he felt something cold and hard beneath him. Reaching down, he pulled out a – glass bottle? Forcing his eyes to focus, he read the label. Ogden's Old Firewhiskey.

Oh, yeah. That. Harry laid on his back again. He had gotten drunk last night. Oh, so, drunk. And he was in ... the Room of Requirement, that was it, which explained the seemingly never-ending supply of alcohol and the appearance of a bed he didn't remember. He had been with ... someone, someone who had – oh sweet Merlin. Harry sat straight up in the bed.

He had sex last night.

Sweaty limbs tangled up, lips that tasted like cherries, lots of giggling, pleasure unlike anything he'd ever felt before, dark eyes and brown hair and pink hair and – wait. Pink hair?

"_Tonks_?"

"What?" The owner of the pink hair groggily sat up next to him, as naked as the day she was born. She turned to look at him, blinking sleepily once before her eyes widened.

"YOU!" they shouted in unison. They both pushed backwards away from each other, but as Tonks was much closer to the edge of the bed, she fell off in a perfect flip, giving Harry a nice shot of her bum. Which, as bums go, was rather lovely. He now recalled getting a good handful the previous night.

Tonks quickly stood up, yanking over a sheet to cover herself. She cast about for her wand and grabbed it off the floor. Remembering he was in the presence of a hungover, talented Auror with a quick temper who may or may not be thrilled that she slept with a sixteen-year-old boy, Harry did what any man who couldn't find his wand would do – he used his hands to cover those parts that he only just discovered how to use properly.

Tonks and Harry stared at each other. Tonks held her wand loosely, not quite pointing it at Harry. He held his breath, trying to interpret the expression on her face. Then, unbelievably, Tonks began to laugh, sinking onto the edge of the bed. Harry continued to stare at her shaking shoulders, wondering what was so amusing.

Then he became mesmerized by something else. Tonks had a tattoo. Actually, two tattoos. Harry wasn't familiar with tattoos, but he was fairly certain that Muggle tattoos, like photographs, did not move. These definitely did. On her left shoulder blade was a small, feminine devil-like figure who bore a distinct resemblance to Tonks herself, winking and blowing kisses over her shoulder. On Tonks's right shoulder blade was a matching angel, who was sending Harry demure smiles.

Tearing his gaze away from the flirtatious figures, which he found strangely sexy, Harry found his voice. "What's so funny?"

"You," she said with a tone full of mirth. "Standing there naked as a jaybird trying to shield your dangly bits."

Harry spotted his boxer shorts and pulled them on quickly, grateful she wasn't going to hex him. "Well, like a good Gryffindor, I try to protect those incapable of protecting themselves."

Tonks laughed again."I'm going to get dressed, Harry. Although there's no doubt you've seen it all before, try to maintain that chivalry and look away." Harry made a most valiant effort.

"So we took care of one resolution, but what about the other?" Harry felt bold asking, but he decided that sort of intimacy entitled him to a certain amount of boldness.

"I think maybe I'm on my way," she said. "I should go, though."

He nodded. He needed to find the rest of his clothes.

"Harry?" Tonks paused with her hand on the door.

"Yeah?"

She winked. "See you at Christmas."


	3. What the Twins Saw

**Author's Note:** For the purposes of this story, I'm just going to say Dumbledore didn't die, as this is just a light story without any intention of being serious.

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><p><strong>What the Twins Saw<strong>

"Confundus Charm?"

"Must be," Fred agreed.

The twins had planned to spend the first Hogsmeade weekend of the second term at Hogwarts observing the traffic at Zonko's, sizing up the potential for a buyout. Instead they had spent the last ten minutes watching Harry Potter. George had spotted him wandering down High Street, hand in hand with a petite blonde. The couple was attracting startled glances from other students as well, and the twins hadn't been able to resist following. Now the girl was snuggled next to Harry in a booth at the Three Broomsticks, and she seemed unable to keep her hands off him, running her fingers through his hair and caressing his shoulders.

"This cannot be the same Harry Potter who dated Cho Chang last year," George observed.

"Yeah. For one, this girl isn't crying," said Fred, snickering. He looked at the couple again. "I don't remember that girl at all."

"They definitely didn't make them like that when we attended Hogwarts," George agreed.

As they watched, the girl leaned over and whispered into Harry's ear, her fingers lightly stroking his jaw suggestively. He flushed and then grinned, taking her hand and pulling her out of the pub in a distinctly sneaky manner, leaving no doubt that they were up to something slightly illicit.

George turned back to Fred, their faces mirrored expressions of surprise. "Confundus Charm?"

"Definitely."

**oOo**

"Love Potion?"

"Something like that," George said.

Distracted on their last visit to Hogsmeade, the twins had returned with the intention to actually discuss business with the owners of Zonko's. But they had once again spent part of their time watching Harry Potter. If it had been the same as their last visit, they wouldn't have paid him any mind. What caught their attention was that Harry was with a different girl this time, a curvy redhead, still unfamiliar. The twins had spotted the couple emerging from Madam Puddifoot's, arms wrapped around each other and heads bent as they talked, completely oblivious to the stares of passerby. Looking around cautiously, the girl suddenly darted into the alleyway next to the Hog's Head, yanking Harry along with her. Exchanging amazed expressions, the twins couldn't resist following. They paused before they reached the alleyway.

"Do we really want to look down there, brother?" asked Fred.

"Just a quick glance," George said. "Harry's probably dosing her again. Reckon we should check our stock?"

As one, two identical heads popped around the corner and just as quickly returned to the front. Their caution was unnecessary; Harry and the unknown girl were snogging so furiously they wouldn't have noticed a swarm of Dementors.

"Love Potion?" Fred said again.

"Has to be."

**oOo**

"Imperius Curse?"

"Surely not," Fred said in a dazed voice.

This time, the twins had come to Hogsmeade purely to see what Harry was up to, not even attempting a pretense of visiting Zonko's. For once, Harry was alone when they found him, standing outside the Three Broomsticks and looking back and forth, obviously waiting for someone. Before the twins could approach Harry, a willowy brunette sneaked up behind him and put her hands over his eyes. When she removed them, Harry turned around and swept the girl into a tight hug, as if he hadn't seen her in quite some time. When the couple entered the pub, the twins followed, intent on talking to Harry. However, they didn't seat themselves at a booth or table; the girl quickly walked up the stairs to the second floor and Harry, with only a hasty backwards glance, did as well.

"There are only rooms on the second floor," George said, stunned. "Students can't rent rooms."

"Harry Potter and an older woman?" Fred said in the same stunned voice.

"Or older _women_," George added. "Remember the first two?"

Fred shook his head in disbelief. "Harry Potter, the new ladies' man of Hogwarts? Can't be."

However, when Harry and the girl reappeared, the twins were forced to reconsider. Both were giggling and straightening clothes, and Harry's hair was particularly messy. Fred and George simply stared as the couple exited the pub, all thoughts of questioning Harry gone.

George gave his brother an amazed glance. "Imperius Curse?"

"Could be."

**oOo**

"Which is it, Harry?"

"Confundus Charm?"

"Love Potion?"

"Imperius Curse?"

"Come on, Harry, you can tell us."

"What are you on about?" Harry glanced from twin to twin confusedly. He had only arrived at the Burrow for summer holidays an hour ago, and the twins had pounced as soon as they could, trapping him in their old room. He sat on a bed as the twins stood before him sporting matching grins.

"The girls, Harry!" George exclaimed like it was obvious. "All the girls!"

"Who are they?"

"Where did you meet them?"

"Do they know about each other?"

"How did you do it?"

"We just want to know how Harry Potter went from one disastrous date with Cho 'The Human Faucet' Chang last year to at least three successful dates this year, each with a different girl," explained Fred.

"Pretty girls," added George. "Older, even."

"So what's your secret, Harry?"

Harry started to grin. He leaned back, hands behind his head, and the twins exchanged looks of anticipation. "Well, it's quite simple, really. You see, the secret is –"

_Knock knock._ Both twins looked at the door in annoyance. "Come in," called Fred. He expected Ron or Ginny, so he was surprised when a pink head appeared in the doorway.

"Wotcher, boys," said Tonks with a smile.

"'Lo, Tonks," George said, turning back to Harry. "Tell Mum we'll be down for dinner a in bit. Just need to have a quick chat with Harry."

"I'll tell your Mum if you want me to, but I actually came to chat with Harry myself."

"You did?"

"Why?"

"I could ask you the same question," she said.

"We're interrogating him," said Fred, returning to Harry with a smirk. "Somehow ickle Harry turned into a real player since Christmas."

"_Three_ different women!" added George, impressed. "We want to know how he did it."

The twins expected Tonks to either burst out laughing, scoff in disbelief, or even congratulate Harry. What they did not expect was for her cheeks to turn red, her lower lip to tremble, and her eyes to tear up, which is exactly what happened. She took a step towards Harry, who held both hands up in a defensive posture.

"Is it true, Harry?" Tonks asked, her voice shaky. "Three other women?"

"I can explain, Tonks," Harry said quickly. "It's not what it sounds like!"

"How can it not be, Harry!" Tonks yelled. "I thought we had something special!"

"We do, sweets, we do!" As Harry stood up, Fred and George stared at each other. "Those other women ... they're nothing compared to you! I just ... you were busy, and I got lonely ..."

The twins winced as Tonks's hand cracked across Harry's cheek. "I thought you were different, Harry. I was wrong. I don't ever want to see you again!" She turned and fled the room, her hands covering her face.

"Are you happy now?" Harry growled, looking from one twin to the other.

"Blimey, Harry, I ... I have no idea what to say," Fred said truthfully.

"Well, a fat lot of good that does me. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to attempt to win back a very irate Metamorphmagus without getting hexed in the process." Harry stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The twins exchanged an amazed glance before running after Harry.

"Wait, Harry we -" George stopped as soon as he opened the door, for on the other side were Tonks and Harry, still clearly in the middle of an argument.

"So who is it you really want?" Tonks demanded in a shrill voice reminiscent of Hermione. "The blonde with the big eyes, the redhead with the nice bum, or the brunette with the long legs?" As she named the girls they had seen with Harry, her face took on a pained expression and she morphed into a perfect copy of each one before returning to her normal heart-shaped face and pink hair.

"Well, to tell you the truth, sweets," Harry began, an odd look on his face. "I prefer the pink hair." When Harry stepped to her side and slid an arm around her waist, the twins' eyes grew larger and their respective jaws dropped as words failed them.

"Do you?" asked Tonks, entwining her fingers with Harry's. He answered her without words, and the twins gaped.

"That wasn't three different women, that was you!"

"That whole argument was staged!"

"Finally caught on, have you?" Harry said. "Though the slap was real. That hurt." He rubbed his still-pink skin.

"Sorry, sweets," said Tonks, kissing him on the cheek. "Better?" She turned back to the twins. "Do you really think that if I knew Harry had actually cheated on me, I would have left him in the room alive? But I do wish I had a camera. The looks on your faces ... priceless!"

"That was too much fun," Harry agreed, throwing an arm over Tonks's shoulders affectionately.

She winked. "You'll have to excuse us, boys. We haven't seen each other in weeks, and we have a lot of catching up to do. I'll let Molly know you'll come down in a second."

With that, the couple left, trotting down the stairs hand in hand. The twins heard laughter echoing as they turned to face each other.

"Harry ... and Tonks?" George said in an awed voice.

"Brother, we're going to have to get Harry alone again," said Fred, leaning against the wall. George leaned next to him.

"To pay tribute to the master?"

"And to ask him how the hell a scrawny, specky git managed to not only bag such a fit bird, but prank us in the process!"


	4. What Molly Read

**Author's Note: **You might have noticed that I've changed the title, summary, & character categories to better fit this story, as it has definitely changed from the original oneshot. Thanks to Ruled-by-Books for pointing that out.

This chapter is for Gune23, who has been eagerly awaiting. I hope you enjoy it, my friend!

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><p><strong>What Molly Read<strong>

Molly Weasley knew she could overreact at times. She knew she could be overbearing. She knew that, ironically, she was the very definition of mollycoddling. And she knew that when she brought someone into her heart, they were one of her children whether or not she gave birth to them.

And that's why when she read the headline on the cover of _Witch Weekly_, her blood pressure skyrocketed.

"Harry!" she tried very hard not to shout. "Can you come down here, please?"

A few seconds and several thumping footsteps later, a dark-haired young man she considered as much her son as Ron appeared at the foot of the stairs, slightly out of breath. Following him at a more languid pace, whistling, was a witch with shocking pink hair that, like Harry, Molly considered as much her daughter as Ginny. Though she didn't know Tonks was at the house, she wasn't surprised. Between seven children, their friends, and the Order, people were always coming and going. Tonks in particular had been making frequent appearances that summer. Molly's heart ached for the young woman and her unrequited love for Remus Lupin; although she had resumed wearing brightly colored hair and smiled more than the previous summer, Molly knew it was all an act.

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley?" Harry asked apprehensively.

"Harry dear, I know that you're at an age where you've become interested in girls," she began carefully, and Harry's face immediately turned a shade of red not unlike Molly's own hair. Tonks's mouth quivered as if she was fighting a grin or laugh. "And that's perfectly normal. But you, even more so that others, need to be careful about the people you choose to ... fulfill your urges."

The red deepened to a crimson color. "I, um, I'm not sure what you're getting at." In lieu of a response, Molly simply held up the magazine.

_The Boy Who Loved? The Chosen One's Chosen Girl ... Or Woman_

Harry wore a deer in the headlights look. His mouth worked several times, but it was Tonks, who had broken into a full-blown grin, that spoke first. "Oo-hoo Harry, looks like you've been caught with your pants down." She laughed. "Though I hope not literally."

"Oh, Tonks, really," Molly scolded.

"Sorry," the young woman replied, not sounding the least bit repentant. "Read it, Molly. I'm most curious." Harry, who seemed afraid to speak, sat in the nearest chair while Tonks perched on the arm. Choosing another chair, Molly opened the magazine to page twenty.

"_As Harry Potter, also known as the Boy Who Lived and more recently, the Chosen One, has grown closer to adulthood, the wizarding world has long been interested in which young witch would become his wife."_

"My wife?" Harry said, incensed. "I'm sixteen! And what business is it of anyone else?"

"Well you are quite the eligible bachelor," Tonks said teasingly. "Famous, handsome, rich … any witch's dream. I can see the attraction."

"_Not only will the lucky woman have access to what most suspect is a vast fortune, but she will also, in the future, be responsible for the next generation of Potters."_

"And of course you have to be careful about which woman you end up knocking up."

"Tonks!"

"Sorry, Molly. What I mean is, you can't let those gorgeous green eyes be ruined by the genes of some pug-nosed hag."

"I - I'm not - I don't want - I'm sixteen!"

"Tonks, quit teasing him," Molly scolded again. She loved the Metamorphmagus, but she could be quite irreverent at times. "Harry dear, what I'm sure Tonks means is that all sorts of girls are going to be interested in you, and not all for the right reasons."

She continued reading. _"The heir of not only the Potter family vault but the treasure of the Black family, left in its entirety to Harry by his godfather, Sirius Black, he will have to watch for those women, young and old, who are more interested in his gold than his charm."_

"Gotta keep an eye out for gold-diggers, Harry," Tonks commented. "Especially those _older_ women." Now why did Harry look so flushed again all of a sudden?

"_In the past, young Harry has not had the best of luck in his love life. First there was one of his Gryffindor classmates and ostensibly his close friend, Muggle-born Hermione Granger, who quickly dropped Harry when internationally famous Bulgarian seeker Viktor Krum showed up on the scene."_

"Are they ever going to get over that?" Harry complained. "I've said a thousand times there's never been anything between Hermione and I."

"Are you sure, Harry? I mean, you two do spend an awful lot of time together." Tonks grinned at him, and Harry rolled his eyes.

Molly didn't say anything as she continued to read, but she hoped in her heart that Harry was right. She knew Ron was head-over-heels for the brunette. _"Then there was a blink-and-you-miss-it relationship with Ravenclaw student Cho Chang, who was a year ahead of Harry. Some say Harry was a replacement for former boyfriend Cedric Diggory, who tragically died at the end of the Triwizard Tournament. This may have played a part in the quick demise of her relationship with Harry."_

Molly looked up after she read this, knowing Cedric was a touchy subject for Harry. He didn't speak, but his jaw was clenched. Surprisingly, Tonks put her hand briefly on Harry's shoulder, and he smiled at her. Molly was glad the two seemed to have formed a close friendship; she'd often thought that if he didn't end up with Ginny (although that's what she wished with all her heart), a younger version of Tonks would be perfect for the troubled young man.

"_Since last year, Harry has seemed content to finish his time at Hogwarts as a confirmed bachelor. However, this reporter has unearthed evidence of a new woman in Harry's life, and this relationship may be the most disturbing of all."_

"Dun-dun-dunnn," Tonks intoned dramatically.

"_A source close to Harry informed us that the Boy Who Lived has had a girlfriend for several months. However, this woman is not a student at Hogwarts; in fact, she's not a student at all."_

"Why Casanova, I didn't know you had it in you!" Tonks exclaimed, laughing.

Molly blanched. "Harry …is this reporter suggesting that you're dating –"

"Oh do go on, Molly," Tonks interrupted eagerly. "I want to hear this, and besides, look at his face. I don't reckon he's capable of legible speech right now." Indeed, Harry was staring fixedly at the ceiling, his blush threatening to become a permanent fixture.

"_The woman in question is no less than an employee at the Ministry of Magic, and even more shocking, an Auror. However, one can safely assume that position may be in jeopardy once the Department of Magical Law Enforcement finds out about this relationship."_

"Harry's above the age of consent and nearly of age as well. I don't see what they can do about it," Tonks scoffed. "Put her in time-out?"

"Do you know who this woman is, Tonks?" Molly demanded. "I'd like to speak with her." Harry started coughing.

The Auror shrugged noncommittally. "I've an idea. Keep reading, they'll probably say who it is."

"_What interest does a grown woman have in an inexperienced schoolboy? Is it fame, wealth, the chance to corrupt an innocent boy? And does the wizarding world want to be protected by someone who gets her thrills in such a way?"_

Tonks snorted. "Oh, come on. It's not as if Harry's an altar boy. I'm sure you've sneaked off to a broom closet with a nice ass, I mean, lass. Or perhaps the Room of Requirement?" At this Harry seemed to choke on, well, nothing in particular, and Tonks pounded him on the back.

"What is the Room of Requirement?" Molly asked curiously.

"Just a room you can use when you ... require it," Tonks answered vaguely before winking at Harry, who rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Personally, out of the three they listed, the fame would be enough for me."

Molly frowned at Tonks. "Now Harry dear, while I'm sure you're not quite as … naive as they make you out to be, you need to understand that there are women out there who are willing to do whatever it takes to get a hold on you, and then take advantage once they do."

"So don't go making any agreements in a post-orgasmic haze, Harry."

Both Molly and Harry turned an intriguing shade of red. For once, under their combined stares, the blunt Metamorphmagus seemed to realize she'd gone a bit too far. After a mutter that could have been an apology, Molly continued reading, determined to find out who this … what was the term the kids used? Cougar? … was.

"_One also has to wonder if Harry's interest in his new paramour goes beyond the typical schoolboy fantasy of an older woman having her way with him. Having grown up an orphan, could it be that Harry is seeking some sort of motherly figure in the wrong type of relationship?"_

"That's wrong in so many ways," Harry blurted out.

"Yes, there's kinky and then there's just plain disturbing," Tonks agreed.

Molly didn't quite know what to say. She had always tried to be a mother to Harry without forcing it, and he'd never seemed any more affected by his lack of parents than any other child would be in his situation.

"_And finally, there is the possibility that both parties may be using the other. While it is almost certain that this woman's interest in Harry is not entirely a matter of love, the young Chosen One could also have a hidden agenda. It could very well be that Harry has taken the opportunity to be with any woman of his choosing, for Harry Potter's new girlfriend is one Nymphadora Tonks, a twenty-four-year-old Metamorphmagus capable of taking the body of any girl Harry desires."_

"Oi! I don't turn twenty-four for weeks!" Tonks said indignantly.

"And you know I'd never ask you to look like someone else," Harry said cheerfully, all traces of his blush gone.

Molly gaped. Simply stared, shocked into silence for the first time in her life. At some point, Tonks had moved from the arm of the chair to Harry's lap, and Harry's arm was around her waist in a very comfortable, intimate manner. They were smiling at each other in a way that made Molly feel like they weren't even aware of her presence. Nymphadora and Harry? Her Harry and Tonks? Harry who was supposed to marry Ginny and Tonks who was in love with Remus? The couple finally returned their attention to Molly, each with a cheeky grin.

"Surprise!" they said in unison before kissing.

"And just how long has this been going on?" she said when she finally found her voice again.

They regarded each other. "It started on Halloween –" Harry began.

"- But we didn't really come to an agreement until Christmas," finished Tonks. Christmas, when Tonks had shown up at the Burrow unexpectedly on several occasions. Christmas, when Molly had assumed she was hoping for a glance at Remus. Christmas Day, when Remus had left the house quite abruptly, obviously flustered.

"I see," Molly said faintly, all her arguments out the window at their obvious happiness. "And I suppose you knew what this article was going to say all along?"

"Knew? I was the anonymous source," Tonks explained, giggling. "We reckoned it would be easier to put it out in the open ourselves."

"Though we didn't know they'd make quite so many accusations," said Harry.

"You could have simply told me yourselves," Molly said reproachfully.

"And miss all the fun?" Tonks laughed. "Never."

"Well, I must say one thing." Tonks and Harry paled and appeared to steel themselves for a lecture. "Having raised six grown boys, I know all about what you lot get up to on that Astronomy Tower. Arthur and I were young once, too. Now, there's a spell –"

"Are you giving us the sex talk?" Harry asked, a look of utter horror on his face.

"I'm merely making sure you use the appropriate protection –"

Tonks bolted off the chair, firmly grasping Harry's hand. As he pulled her up the stairs as quickly as possible, Tonks yelled over her shoulder. "For the love of Merlin, Molly, I promise we'll use five types of birth control if you never, ever talk about this again."


	5. What Harry Planned

**What Harry Planned**

"Are you nervous?"

Harry glanced at Tonks and shook his head. "Me? Not at all. You, on the other hand, are practically shaking in your trainers."

Tonks drew herself to her full height as they walked toward the front door of her parents' house. "Harry James Potter, I am a fully qualified Auror. I have battled Death Eaters, including that twisted aunt of mine. I am in no way, shape, or form nervous about telling my parents that I'm dating the Boy Who Lived."

"Whatever you say, sweets."

"You're remarkably calm for someone who's never played Meet the Parents before."

Harry flashed his most charming grin. "They love you, you love me, so therefore they'll love me."

"Oh, honey." Tonks patted his head patronizingly. "That equation is all wrong."

"We'll see about that."

She regarded him, raising her eyebrows. "You know, I kind of like confident Harry. He's cute. You should introduce me sometime."

"I'll do that."

Laughing, Tonks opened the door. "Mum! Dad!" she yelled. "I'm here!"

"Don't you knock?"

"Why would I? I grew up here."

Her mother hurried into the foyer, arms outstretched. "Hello, sweetheart."

"Hi, Mum," Tonks replied, receiving a rib-cracking hug. "Take it easy. You act like you didn't just see me a few weeks ago."

"A few weeks is nearly a month, Nymphadora, and that's a long time when your only daughter is risking her life nearly every day."

"Would you care less if you had another daughter?" Tonks finally extracted herself from her mother's tight grasp. _Worry, thy name is Andromeda._ "Mum, the only time I risk my life in Hogsmeade is drinking at the Hog's Head, as I'm none too sure about the cleanliness of Aberforth's mugs."

Andromeda looked over her daughter from top to bottom, as if checking for any missing parts. Tonks wasn't sure why she did that every time she visited, but though she complained, she secretly enjoyed her mother's fussing. "You'll have to forgive a mother for worrying. Between your work as an Auror and that Order of yours, I'll go gray before my time."

Tonks laughed as she glanced at her mother's head of thick brown hair, not a hint of silver in sight. Her grin widened as she spotted her father over Andromeda's shoulder. "Dad!"

"'Lo, Dora." He hugged her and kissed her forehead. "How are you?"

"Fine." She stepped back, tugging Harry forward. "Mum, Dad, this is –"

"Harry Potter, Mr. and Mrs. Tonks," Harry interrupted smoothly, extending his hand. "Pleased to meet you."

"Call me Ted, son," her father said, shaking Harry's hand. "How are you?"

"Good, sir."

Andromeda ignored Harry's hand completely and instead leaned forward to give him a loose hug. "And I'm Andromeda, dear. Why don't you come into the sitting room? Tea?"

"Yes, please."

Her parents ushered Harry into the sitting room, leaving a bemused Tonks behind. With a surprised smile at Harry's uncharacteristic lack of reserve, she followed, sitting next to her boyfriend across from her parents. After Andromeda served them all tea, they looked at their daughter expectantly.

"I'm sure you're wondering why we're here," Tonks began after clearing her throat. As she told Harry, though she wasn't nervous, per say, she wasn't looking forward to telling her often-overprotective parents that her new paramour was a teenaged personal target of Voldemort. "Well, Mum, Dad, Harry and I are ... dating."

"Of course you are," Andromeda replied smoothly, not batting an eyelash.

"Mum, I know this is a shock and you're probably not – wait, what?"

"Of course you are," her mother repeated. "Why else would you bring Harry over?"

"Really, Dora, we've met your boyfriends before. We know the signs." Her father was actually smiling.

With a pleased grin, Tonks glanced at Harry, who wore a slight smirk, clearing saying "I told you so." She returned her attention to her parents, intending to quiz them on these so-called signs, but before she could open her mouth, Ted spoke again.

"Now that it's out in the open, young man, I must ask: what are your intentions with my daughter?"

"Dad!" Tonks exclaimed, but Harry shushed her.

"It's alright, Dora, let me handle this." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees with a serious expression on his face. "Mr. and Mrs. Tonks, I come of age at the end of July, and at that time I will fully come into my inheritance as not only the head of house Potter but also the head of house Black. Yes, Andromeda, your cousin Sirius made me his heir. At some point in time after that, I propose a marriage between myself and Nymphadora, thus making us Lord and Lady Potter-Black."

Though slightly annoyed at the use of her given name, Tonks began to laugh. True, her father probably wouldn't appreciate the mocking, but she personally thought Harry's joke was hilarious. Marriage? Lord and Lady Potter-Black, indeed.

And then Andromeda spoke up, her tone oddly formal after her warm welcome to Harry. "And what do you offer in exchange for our daughter, our _only_ child, Mr. Potter?"

All traces of laughter vanished, and the daughter in question gaped in disbelief. One thing a very young Nymphadora Tonks had learned was that she did not get her teasing nature from her mother; it was the rare April Fools' Day that Andromeda Tonks pulled a prank. Over the years Tonks had heard bits and pieces of a history of arranged marriages from her pureblood friends, but not only had she gotten the distinct impression that it was a very outdated custom, the Tonks family was as far from an ancient pureblood house as it got. Surely this was still some sort of jest ...

"First off, I'll restore your name to the Black family and add Ted and Dora," said Harry confidently, now leaning back and crossing his legs, one ankle resting on the opposite knee. He laid one arm across the back of the sofa, brushing Tonks's shoulder, and she jerked away as if burned.

Andromeda nodded. "I would be very grateful. However, I'm sure you realize Ted and I expect something more concrete than that."

Tonks could have been knocked over with a feather. For one of the very few times in her twenty-three years, she was at a loss for words, unable to complete a myriad of half-formed thoughts through a cloud of incredulity and anger. "I – wha – uh – I," she sputtered.

Apparently Tonks was both invisible and soundless, because neither her parents nor her boyfriend (if you could still call him that) paid her any attention. "Of course," replied Harry, withdrawing a small piece of parchment from his pocket and handing it to Ted. "I think you'll find this sufficient."

Ted chuckled dryly. "Really, son, you'll have to do better than that. Remember, while her name may be Tonks, our daughter is still a descendant of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, and the only unmarried female of that house as well." He tapped the parchment with his wand and offered it to Andromeda, who merely nodded in approval. "I believe this to be much more appropriate."

"Is that – are you discussing _money_?" Tonks blurted out, finally finding her voice. "You wait just one bloody –"

"Hush, Nymphadora, or you'll ruin this for us all," Andromeda interrupted with a look of warning. She raised her wand. "I will not hesitate to silence you."

Harry raised his voice over Tonks's hoarse noise of outrage. "I grant that it's a starting point, but we need to take into account that I represent not one but two of the oldest and most respected wizarding families."

The negotiations continued, passing the parchment around, as Tonks watched, her astonished face moving back and forth like she was watching a tennis match. Her hair turned a violent shade of red and her complexion, in contrast, grew whiter and whiter. Without realizing it, she was suddenly on her feet, her wand clenched in her hand. All eyes were on the irate Auror as she pointed her seemingly innocuous stick of wood at the doomed piece of parchment, currently hovering over the coffee table as Harry returned it to Ted. The parchment burst into a thousand pieces without a word from Tonks, dusting the room with confetti as Harry snatched his hand back for fear of being the next target.

"I don't know what's going on," Tonks shouted, pointing her wand at each of them in turn while she tried to make sense of her newly-upside down world. "But I do know that if I _ever_ get married, it will be to the person I want, when I want, without any sort of bargaining like I'm some piece of sodding property. So you can all bugger off and go to hell! And _you_," she roared, turning her fuming gaze to Harry, who held his hands up in defense. "You better practice your shield charms, because if I _ever_ see you again, you'll be missing three very important pieces of equipment."

Without waiting to hear their responses, Tonks took off, taking the stairs two at a time as she charged into her childhood bedroom, slamming the door like a petulant teenager. Fuming, she paced back and forth, throwing her wand onto the twin-sized bed and forcing herself to calm down. Running to her bedroom had been a reflexive act, borne of a dozen fights with her parents in that very sitting room during her tumultuous years of adolescence. What the hell had just happened? It was like she had been thrown back in time a hundred years, her loved ones replaced with three strangers. Something was clearly not right, but she was too agitated to focus.

"It was a joke."

Snatching her wand, Tonks spun around, a hex on her lips. Harry stood in her doorway, palms still out in surrender.

"Just a joke," he repeated, mouth twitching with a hidden smile. "Come on, sweets, you didn't think we were serious?"

"I ... of course not," she admitted, realizing the truth. "But what – well, I'm – that's not funny, Harry!"

"If you'll lower your wand, I'll explain it all. You're making me, and my equipment, nervous."

Tonks slid her wand back into its holster slowly, still glaring at Harry. "Don't think your equipment is safe just yet," she muttered defiantly. "I simply haven't decided whether to go left or right first."

Now openly grinning, Harry sat on the edge of her bed, gesturing for her to sit next to him. Not wanting to give in easily, Tonks instead took the desk chair, turning it around and straddling it backwards.

"I don't have any plans to marry you," Harry said, then hastily corrected himself when she raised her eyebrows. "Not that I would never consider it, I mean, I care about you a lot and I want this to continue. What I meant was, I don't have any plans to marry anyone for a long time. I'm only sixteen, and frankly I'm a bit more concerned with staying alive right now."

She inclined her head in agreement. "Go on."

"But if the time came, I would never try to buy you or your parents off with anything more than a diamond ring." Harry stood up, making his way over to her, where she still refused to look at him. "Just taking the mickey, Dora. You know it was funny."

Deep inside, Tonks couldn't resist a good prank, and she grudgingly conceded to herself that it was, indeed, fairly humorous. However, a certain amount of pride and embarrassment refused to let Harry see that she acknowledged it. She stood up slowly. "You – complete – arsehole!" she growled, shoving his shoulder on her last word and striding past him to stare out her window, arms crossed.

"You're smiling."

"Am not."

"Are, too."

"Am not."

"Are. Too." She jumped as Harry's breath warmed her neck, his hands creeping around her waist. "Admit you've been had and kiss me."

She turned around reluctantly, winding her hands around his neck, unable to keep from smiling any longer. "You're still an arse, you know," she complained. "But yes, you got me good. Happy now?"

"Very," he murmured, leaning forward to briefly capture her lips.

Laughing, Tonks broke the embrace, falling back onto the brightly striped quilt that still covered her bed. "I just told my parents to bugger off and go to hell, didn't I?"

"You did," Harry confirmed with a grin.

She sat up with a half-groan, half-chuckle, running her hand through her now-aqua hair. "We should go let them know you're still in one piece." She took his hand as they headed out of her room. "So how far were you going to let it go?"

"Well, next we were going to discuss our children."

"Our children?" Tonks repeated, an octave higher than normal, a look of terror on her face.

"Frightening, isn't it? Believe me, I'm very glad you stormed off beforehand. I'm not sure I could have pulled it off with a straight face," Harry said with a grimace. "But we were going to agree that we would have two sons, one to carry on each name, and a daughter to carry on her mother's exceptionally good looks."

"Flattery will not get you anywhere," she warned. "And remember – you may be Sirius's heir, but I'm his cousin. His cousin that spent a year in Grimmauld Place helping him drive Remus up the wall."

"Duly noted."

"Oh, it's going to be good," she said with relish. "You'll wish for Voldemort when I'm done with you."

"Color me scared," he replied dryly.

"Already done. So how did you come up with that 'Lord and Lady Potter-Black' crap anyway?" Tonks asked as they returned to the sitting room.

"That was my idea," Andromeda spoke up, still sitting with Ted.

"Is all that for real?"

"According to the proper pureblood education I received growing up, some of the oldest families used to have such titles centuries ago, mostly those with a lot of land and gold," her mother explained wryly. "Thankfully, those customs have dropped by the wayside, though I'm sure there are some who wish to restore them."

"So are we forgiven?" Ted asked, grinning. "Or are we in danger of losing bits and pieces of ourselves as well?"

"How could you be so cruel to your only daughter?" Tonks asked with a mock pout.

"Well, sweetheart, how could you not tell us you've been dating someone for months?" Andromeda said in return. "We trust your judgment."

"After you set up this meeting, Harry owled us, introducing himself, and after a few more owls, the plan kind of sprang up from there." Ted smiled in approval at Harry.

"You did?" Tonks considered Harry with growing respect. She was liking assertive Harry more and more.

"I thought it would be the right thing to do," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"It was, son," Ted confirmed. He looked at his daughter. "So, Dora, are we – what do you say these days? Are we 'cool'?"

"Not if you keep saying 'cool', Dad," Tonks muttered. "But yes, it's over and done with. I owe each of you a big one, though, and I will deliver. Just you wait."

"I'm sure you will, sweetheart," Andromeda said dismissively, not at all threatened. "Shall we have tea now?"

"Harry, out of curiosity, how much was the 'asking price' for me?" Tonks asked while her parents moved to the kitchen. He whispered a sum into her ear, and she snorted. "Well, you need to start saving up. I'm worth far more than that."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Remember, I'm taking suggestions not only for who finds out next but how. Also, though I have a few ideas, if you have a suggestion as to how Tonks can pay Harry back, feel free to review or PM.


	6. What Fleur Offered

**Author's Note: **This takes place before chapter 4. This chapter is for Intervigilium, who came closest to guessing what it would be about, & for Girophobe, who was also rather spot on.

I promise I take all your requests into account & will make every attempt to fulfill them, but I can't force humor.

* * *

><p><strong>What Fleur Offered<strong>

"This is mad," Harry mumbled against Tonks's lips. "Someone will catch us."

"That's what makes it fun." Tonks giggled, lifting herself onto a table in Mr. Weasley's workshop at the Burrow and yanking Harry forward by the collar of his shirt.

The first few weeks of Harry's summer vacation at the Weasleys' had been marked by as many hidden rendezvous with Tonks as they could manage under the always-watchful eye of Mrs. Weasley, hampered by Tonks's busy schedule. Ron, with some exasperation, helped them sneak away as much as he could, but they were usually limited to moments like this, ten-minute breaks for "fresh air" in which it must be said neither of them surfaced for much air at all.

"I swear you prefer all this sneaking around to simply being out in the open," Harry remarked between kisses.

She laughed, then attacked a pulse point on his neck, and Harry tried to squirm away. "There's something exciting about the thought of someone walking in any moment. And really, sweets, I'm a Metamorphmagus who gets her kicks out of morphing for the entertainment of others. There's probably an exhibitionist streak in there somewhere." She whipped her shirt off. "I don't hear you complaining."

Harry groaned, eyes greedily raking over her body from her toned abdomen to her electric blue brassiere. He grinned to himself as his hands began roaming; Tonks _always_ matched. Somehow, knowing what color knickers she wore just by looking at her hair turned him on like nothing else.

"I swear, Fleur, I just couldn't look at you in those tight trousers anymo– oh!"

Harry froze as Bill and Fleur stumbled into the workshop, giggling and groping much as Harry and Tonks had not five minutes earlier. He was painfully aware that he had one hand on Tonks's breast and another working its way up her thigh, where her skirt was hitched far higher than normal. He was also immensely grateful that Tonks had only managed to unzip his jeans and not yet shove them around his ankles.

"Sorry, we beat you to it, Weasley," Tonks said cheerfully as she absently curled Harry's hair around one finger, not at all alarmed that they had been caught nearly in the act, shirtless, by the eldest Weasley. "Go find your own room. The broom shed's not bad, though there aren't any surfaces."

"Excellent, Charlie owes me five Galleons. I knew there was something going on between you two," Bill replied, still keeping an arm tight around Fleur as he grinned at Harry. "Nice one, mate."

"Bill, per'aps we should go elsewhere," Fleur said quietly. She caught Harry's eye, and both quickly looked away in embarrassment.

"Alright," Bill agreed, grinning at Harry and Tonks again as he and Fleur backed out of the workshop.

"Keep your fat mouth shut, Bill!" called Tonks.

"Secret's safe with me!" came the muffled reply as the door shut.

Tonks returned her attention to Harry with a predatory grin that all but confirmed her earlier remark. She leaned in to pick up where they left off, but for Harry, the moment was ruined, and he turned his head. Frowning, Tonks reclined on her arms, raising her eyebrows. "What's wrong, Harry?"

He brushed his fringe out of his face. "Reckon they'll tell?"

"No, of course not," Tonks scoffed. "I've known Bill for years, he wouldn't do that. And there's no love lost between Fleur and Molly. Don't worry." She cupped his face in her hands, smiling. "Now come on, we haven't much time."

Harry tried to pull back, but Tonks held him close with her legs. "Sorry, sweets, I'm not in the mood anymore."

"Oh, I can get you back in it," she purred. "As I recall, you had one hand here and one hand there, and I was getting rid of these pesky jeans ..."

**oOo**

Harry grinned at, well, no one in particular since his room was empty. Who would have thought a summer in the midst of a war could be so good? But it was days like this that made it exactly that.

Aided and abetted by Bill and Fleur, Harry had wormed his way out of shopping in Diagon Alley with the rest of the Weasleys by claiming he hadn't been sleeping well and was tired. Mrs. Weasley was only too glad to leave a chaperone for Bill and Fleur; apparently, engaged or not, premarital relations were still frowned upon in this house. And if Tonks just happened to show up shortly after the Weasleys departed, then it was Harry's duty to entertain her while Bill and Fleur were otherwise occupied. Occupied, probably, in the same manner in which he planned to entertain Tonks, but that was what silencing spells were for.

A knock repeated on the door, and Harry launched himself off his bed eagerly, opening the door to admit – Fleur?

"Fleur?" he said stupidly, as if another part-Veela lived in this house.

She swept past him, turning around in a neat twirl to face him. "Bonjour, 'arry." She smiled at him enigmatically.

He brushed his fringe, unaccountably nervous, though he normally got on well with Fleur. "Er, hi. Bill still at work, then?"

She waved her hand and made an irritated noise in her throat. "William always works. But I came 'ere to talk about you."

"Me?"

"You were fourteen when I met you, 'arry, and I must confess I 'ave continued to see you as a boy. But after seeing you with Tonks, I realize you 'ave grown up."

"That – that tends to happen," said Harry slowly, trying to figure a way out of this uncomfortable situation. "But Tonks –"

"Do not worry about Tonks, 'arry."

"But I'm with her, and I like it that way," he protested. "She wouldn't like this."

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that."

Harry spun around. Tonks was leaning in the doorway, an intrigued expression on her face.

"Tonks, this isn't what it looks like," he said quickly, crossing the distance between them in two long strides and taking her hands.

She pouted. "Well, that's highly disappointing."

Harry frowned in confusion but kept going, desperate not to screw things up. "I can explain."

"I hope you can, because I've been looking forward to this for a while."

They were not on the same level, Harry realized. "Uh, Tonks, I don't think I know what's going on."

"Then let me enlighten you," Tonks said sweetly, placing her fingers on his chest. She kissed him lightly, pushing backward until he sat on the bed. "You see, sweets, I've had a great time with you over these last few months, and I wanted to give you something special." She leaned forward until her lips brushed against his ear, speaking in a silky tone. "Consider this an early birthday present."

As she retreated to stand next to Fleur, Harry tried to make sense of her words. A present involving Fleur, Tonks, and him, in a bedroom. Fleur, who stood straight with a confident smile. Tonks, grinning wickedly, leaning against the wardrobe. And he, Harry, alone on the bed, hopefully not looking as dumbfounded as he felt. He coughed, trying to clear his suddenly dry throat. "I ... uh, I don't –"

Tonks and Fleur exchanged a glance, giggling. "Oh, Harry, you are too adorable sometimes," Tonks said.

"I believe 'e requires an explanation," added Fleur.

"It's simple, sweets. You ... and me ... and Fleur," explained Tonks slowly, unbuttoning her blouse tantalizingly with each word. "Right here, right now." When she reached the last button, she rolled her shoulders and let the shirt drop, revealing the tight camisole underneath.

_They want ... with me ... and her ... _and_ her ... at the same time?_ This made Tonks's fondness for semi-public locations seem tame by comparison. Harry's head swam, his jaw falling to the floor. Never in his wildest dreams – okay, maybe his wildest, but he hadn't thought of Fleur in that way in a long time. And certainly never with Tonks. This had to be some sort of midnight fantasy.

"Oh dear, I think we broke him." When Tonks broke the silence in an amused voice, Harry returned to planet Earth and realized they were waiting for him to speak.

"No," he squeaked, his voice cracking. He swallowed and tried again. "No, I'm fine."

"What is ze problem, 'arry? You like me, no?" Fleur asked, pouting magnificently.

"No! I mean, yes, er, no, it's just –" Harry stammered, flicking his eyes from Fleur to Tonks.

Tonks laughed. "Would I suggest this if I wasn't okay with it?"

Well, yes, she probably would as some kind of joke, Harry thought, but he didn't think Fleur was the pranking type. "But Bill ..."

Fleur tossed her head, her long hair flying. "Bill and I are not married yet. 'e is a wonderful man, but I am a Veela. I need more. I need excitement, variety."

"I told you, Fleur, two Weasley men are always better than one," Tonks remarked.

Harry shot her a look, not at all sure he liked what she implied, but his mind exploded again when both women moved closer. Tonks, the taller of the two, rested her chin on Fleur's shoulder, wrapping her hands loosely around her waist. Fleur, for her part, placed her hands on top of Tonks's and turned her head to the side, kissing Tonks softly on the cheek. Every particle of blood left Harry's head, and he froze in place.

"Metamorphmagi are highly sexual beings, Harry, you should know that by now," said Tonks smoothly. Fleur shivered like Tonks's breath on her neck tickled, and Harry fought back a groan. "Take my word, this can be a very, _very_ fun experience."

Harry's pulse thudded in his ears painfully as he absorbed the mind-blowing reality of the situation. _Bill would kill me ... two girls ... there's only one of me, I don't know what to do ... but two girls ... she'll be Ron's sister-in-law ... _two_ girls ... don't want to ruin what I have with Tonks ... TWO GIRLS!_

"Perhaps a little demonstration is in order," Tonks whispered in Fleur's ear.

"By all means. Shall we?" the French girl replied, turning to face the Auror again, brushing some pink hair from Tonks's face.

Tonks smiled, and Harry clutched the blanket under his hands, and the women tilted their heads, and Harry couldn't stop himself from leaning forward, and Tonks's lips parted just slightly, and, Harry nearly keeled over, and – and they pulled back, and Harry wanted to howl.

"I think the demonstration would be much more effective if we included Harry," Tonks murmured.

Fleur nodded, giggling, and the women moved to the bed. As they sat on each side of Harry, he prayed to every deity he'd ever heard of that this was not just some messy dream. Without warning, Tonks wound her hand in Harry's hair and kissed him deeply. She engaged her tongue skillfully, and for a moment Harry forgot Fleur was in the room until he felt two hands slide up his back and massage his shoulders.

"What about me?" she whispered.

"I'm not opposed to sharing," Tonks mumbled against Harry's lips. "Join in the fun."

Harry opened his eyes to see Fleur moving closer and closer, her mouth moist and barely open. _This is it this is it this is IT!_

"What the hell is going on here?"

Scared out of his wits, Harry guiltily jumped a foot in the air as the door swung open. Bill Weasley strode in the room, eyes blazing.

Harry scrambled away from the women, trying to put as much space between him and Bill as possible. _Underage or not, I need my bloody wand!_ "Bill – it's not – I can –"

Tonks stepped in front of him. "Relax, Harry. Let me handle this." She moved to confront Bill. "Now, Bill, I think the poor boy's been through enough."

_What?_ Harry stared, thoroughly deflated, as Tonks highfived Bill and embraced Fleur, all three laughing.

"You should take care of him, Tonks. He looks like you took his puppy away and told him he can never play Quidditch again," said Bill, smirking, as he and Fleur left.

"Until next time, 'arry," Fleur called, winking, and Harry flushed.

Tonks shut the door and leaned against it, still eying Harry greedily.

"Tonks, what –" he began, one hundred percent confused, but she shushed him.

"I told you it would be good," she said in a sing-song voice, pulling him to the bed.

Comprehension finally flooded Harry as he took in her smug expression. "This was revenge."

"Sweeter than any confection."

"And Bill and Fleur were in on it the entire time?"

"Ever since they walked in on us in Arthur's workshop," she confirmed with relish. "Every good Auror knows when to ask for help."

"You are an evil, evil woman," he muttered, blowing his breath out and running his hand through his hair. "The Cruciatus Curse has nothing on you, Nymphadora Tonks."

"Don't call me Nymphadora, Harry, or I'll show you I can do much worse," she chastened him.

"I didn't call you Nymphadora Harry. I called you Nymphadora."

She threw back her head and laughed loudly. "You are irrepressible! Don't make me torture you again, unless you've developed an odd fetish, in which case I will be more than happy to oblige."

"You are so weird." Harry shook his head, chuckling. "Can we call it even, then? I'm slightly afraid of you now."

She laughed again. "Of course, sweets. Personally, I think every bloke should be slightly afraid of his girlfriend. Keeps you in line. Anyway, how about I prove that only one woman isn't that bad, even if I'm not a Veela?"

Though still feeling wounded, Harry's breath hitched in anticipation as she unzipped her trousers. "What was that about 'Metamorphmagi are highly sexual beings'?"

"The same as Veela needing excitement and variety. We made it up for dramatic effect. Good, huh?"

"Very good," he breathed as his own shirt hit the floor.

To her credit, Tonks did an excellent job of making Harry forget there was ever another woman in the picture. As they cuddled together some time later, Harry felt very content, with only one more nagging question.

"Tonks?"

"Yeah?"

"When you said, 'Take my word, this can be a very, very fun experience,' what did you mean?"

She grinned naughtily, pushing herself up on one elbow. "I guess you'll never know."


	7. What the Order Believed

**Author's Note: **This is for slimjim84, WhiteElfElder (who provided inspiration), and Girophobe, who wanted the Order, and AlsoKnownAsMatt & DaveNew, who wanted McGonagall. I tried to do an entire chapter for McGonagall, but I just couldn't make one work.

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><p><strong>What the Order Believed<strong>

To a very keen observer it would have seemed that the man simply appeared out of thin air in the grassy square opposite Number 12, Grimmauld Place, London. But no observers, keen or otherwise, happened to be watching the square on that cold January day, and so Alastor Moody went unnoticed as he stumped across the street into the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix.

He assumed he would be the first to arrive for the meeting, as usual. He didn't mind; it gave him time to double-check the wards and security measures. It never hurt to be extra careful, and given that this was the Potter boy's first meeting, it was more important than ever that the house was safe.

Moody didn't know who had planted the idea or how he was convinced, but at some point around Christmas, Albus had decided to allow Potter into the Order in a strictly observatory basis, no fighting allowed until he came of age. Moody approved. It was clear that Potter would be involved with the fight against Voldemort, and he was willing to bet his remaining eye that for once the Daily Prophet was spot-on and Potter was indeed prophesied to defeat the Dark Lord.

Tonks had volunteered to escort Potter back and forth from Hogwarts for the meetings, and though he figured it made more sense for Minerva or Albus to bring the boy, he didn't have an argument against it. Moody suspected his young protégé was getting bored there in Hogsmeade, and a bored Tonks didn't bode well. He swore his second-best cloak still had a violet tint.

He was also relieved that she seemed to have given up on her ridiculous crush on Remus Lupin. Not that he had anything against Lupin, but it was clear the werewolf had rejected her, and a lovelorn Tonks was worse than a bored Tonks. Early in her training, she had ended up crying in his office once after being dumped; he could fight Dark Wizards all day long, but crying females were terrifying. The only downside to the return of her jovial disposition was the return of that outrageous pink hair she preferred.

It was most coincidental that Moody's thoughts were on Tonks when he entered the drawing room, for it was already occupied by the very Metamorphmagus, along with Harry Potter. The boy was flat on his back in front of the roaring fireplace, and Tonks sat astride his waist. Though he wouldn't have voiced his thoughts for all the gold in Gringotts, at first Moody believed he'd just interrupted something highly inappropriate.

"So you see, Harry, you've got to fortify your core, or you'll go down every time," Tonks said as Moody walked into the room. "Square your hips, straighten your shoulders, and open your stance a bit."

"I would have, but you rushed me," retorted Potter as Tonks rolled off and hopped to her feet, offering him a hand up.

"Death Eaters won't give you a chance to prepare," Moody said, having realized what was actually going on. He lectured his inner self for jumping to the wrong conclusion. Tonks was many things, not all of which he approved, but she wouldn't take advantage of a teenage boy. She was a good six or seven years older than Potter, and he was still in school, not even of age yet. "Hand to hand combat, Tonks?"

"Wotcher, Mad-Eye." She grinned cheerfully. "We were early, and Harry was curious about what to do when you're disarmed. So I demonstrated."

Moody nodded in approval. Never too early to start training, particularly in Potter's case. "There's a trick to keeping your wand, even if you get hit with a disarming charm. Let me show you ..."

Tonks volunteered to bring drinks up from the kitchen. As he showed Potter the proper technique, Moody noticed what looked like a red mark on the boy's neck. He made a mental note to admonish his former trainee; biting was definitely not included in the Auror handbook.

**oOo**

People described Kingsley Shacklebolt as many things: calm, placid, reassuring. However, he was in a particularly good mood today, and so in an uncharacteristic move he whistled to himself as he crossed Grimmauld Place. The day was unusually warm and sunny, an early spring gift, and he was in the midst of a much-deserved two-day break from guarding the Muggle Prime Minister while another Auror took his place temporarily. While the duty was of course incredibly important, it was also demanding and stressful. After the Order meeting, he planned to stay for an excellent meal served by Molly (Arthur promised roast beef) and then simply relax with the other members.

Kingsley couldn't help but grin when he entered the house to find the troll leg umbrella stand lying on its side, a clear indication that Tonks and Harry had arrived. There were very few occasions where his clumsy colleague did not knock it over, and he often wondered why no one thought of simply removing it. Today it appeared as though she had simply given up on picking up the stand, which was unusual, but perhaps she had gotten distracted.

A light shone under the kitchen door at the bottom of the stairs, and so Kingsley headed that way, curious to see who else had already arrived. He was pleased with the inclusion of Harry into the Order. The teen had proved to be eager to contribute however much he was allowed (which wasn't much at all), and he occasionally had extraordinarily good insights. Kingsley knew he wanted to become an Auror, and he planned to encourage him, for Harry looked to be a most promising candidate. He guessed that Tonks was encouraging him as well, for Harry and the Metamorphmagus had struck up an easy friendship, not all that surprising when he considered that they were closer in age than Tonks and the majority of the Order.

However, it wasn't friendship that Kingsley thought of when he entered the kitchen. Tonks was sitting on the table, her arms in the air as Harry pulled her shirt over her head, revealing a – Kingsley swallowed – tight camisole underneath.

"Am I interrupting something?" he asked slowly, wondering how he was going to save his co-worker from the wrath of Molly Weasley, as fierce as a Death Eater when the innocence of one of her "children" was threatened.

"Not at all," Tonks replied cheerfully. "I tripped on that troll leg when we came in and fell right on top of the damn thing. I think I might have bruised a rib, so Harry's helping me take a look." She tugged up one side of her camisole, exposing a rather large bruise on her ribcage, the reddened skin already turning a nasty bluish-purple.

"You could try not tripping on it," Harry teased. "Seems to work for the rest of us."

She stuck her tongue out. "I'll keep that in mind," she retorted.

"Would you like me to heal that for you, Tonks?" Kingsley said, drawing his wand. "It looks like it hurts."

"No, I'm fine," she said quickly, pulling her shirt back over her head and leaving her green hair sticking in all directions. "I'll leave it for a bit, maybe I'll remember to be more careful next time." She ran a hand through her hair, sharing an odd grin with Harry before returning her attention to Kingsley. "So. Hi! How are you, mate? Long time no see."

Kingsley chatted with both Tonks and Harry while the other members of the Order arrived, and the meeting went off without a hitch. Later he thought it only slightly curious that Tonks didn't wince one bit when her old friend Charlie Weasley, who had stopped in for a quick visit, enveloped her in a rib-crushing hug.

**oOo**

Hestia Jones enjoyed being a member of the Order of the Phoenix. She had met many wonderful witches and wizards and cherished her new friendships. It was often exciting, and she felt like she was really making a difference in the fight against You-Know-Who rather than simply hiding like most people.

And when the meetings descended into boredom, they provided excellent opportunities for people-watching, particularly of the fit male variety. Tonks, who was probably Hestia's closest friend in the Order, was the only person who noticed, and she both teased Hestia and gossiped about the boys with her. There was Kingsley, strong and silent. Bill, sweet and charming, and Charlie, muscular and funny. She missed Sirius in more ways than one, the epitome of tall, dark, and handsome, though roguish and slightly unbalanced. And, though she wouldn't admit it even to herself, Harry Potter was well on his way to joining that group. At some point since they had met, he had grown, in all the right ways. He looked more like his father than any son had a right to, and it was this fact that Hestia suspected held the real attraction, for as a first year she had nursed an enormous crush on Head Boy James Potter.

But, Hestia thought to herself half-jokingly, half-sadly as she trudged up the steps to Grimmauld Place, fate seemed determined to keep her status as firmly single. Kingsley was married, Bill was about to be, Charlie lived abroad, Sirius was gone, and Harry was too young, even if he was, as Tonks (as colorful in mind as body) put it, such delicious jailbait.

However, looking was harmless, and at any rate Hestia looked forward to the meetings simply for livening up her existence. As she quietly removed her cloak in the front hall, she looked for evidence of others. Light shone from both the drawing room and the kitchen, and she hovered by the stairs for a moment before a thump echoed from the drawing room, making up her mind for her.

And then Hestia reconsidered her decision, for either she had walked into a very private situation or her recent less-than-pure thoughts were making her eyes deceive her. Harry Potter was lying on top of Tonks on the floor in front of the sofa, their legs tangled up. Harry held himself up with one hand, but the other was clearly resting on Tonks's breast.

"I'm sorry!" Tonks cried as Harry quickly rolled away.

"I didn't mean – I'm so sorry – accident, I swear – never meant to," Harry stammered, obviously embarrassed.

"No, it was all my fault," protested Tonks as she climbed to her feet, dusting off her trousers. She grinned at Hestia sheepishly. "You know me, Hestia. I was walking past him and I tripped over a particle of dirt, and then all of a sudden we were on the ground together."

Hestia sniggered, trying to subdue her laughter at their mortification. Normally she would gladly take the piss out of Tonks for being clumsy, but she felt sorry for poor Harry. It was probably the most action the teen had ever gotten, and it was by complete accident.

"Come on, Harry, I think Molly's in the kitchen," she said, pulling him off the floor. "Let's get you a butterbeer."

Later Hestia wondered if Tonks had planned to continue to tease Harry, for the Metamorphmagus looked distinctly put out when Hestia took the only empty seat next to him in the kitchen.

**oOo**

Minerva McGonagall had seen more years than she cared to admit, and she had spent the majority of her adult life teaching, watching thousands of students pass through the halls of Hogwarts. Despite the number, some of her students remained on her mind years after they left school.

Some lived only in memories. Frank Longbottom, who had been so like his son, bumbling and shy, and who had gone on to become one of the finest Aurors of his time only to be destroyed in all but body. Lily Evans, such a good person even during adolescence that it was no surprise when she gave up her life for her son. Cedric Diggory, killed before he could make his mark in the world.

Others continued to remind her. She always knew Percy Weasley was ambitious, but she never imagined he would turn his back on his family for his career. Nymphadora Tonks had been the biggest troublemaker Hogwarts had seen since her own cousin Sirius, and she was now not only a responsible Auror but a valuable member of the Order.

And Harry Potter, who still had a year left in school. Minerva had watched the boy since he was a skinny eleven-year-old, and he continuously impressed and exasperated her. But his actions over the last year had made her prouder than she could have imagined, as he so bravely shouldered the burden of an adult that was thrust upon him, insisting on joining the Order and helping as much as he could. Today's meeting would determine just how big of a role Harry would have. School had just ended, and he would come of age in a month's time. Though Albus was adamant that Order members had to be out of school, Minerva planned to argue for Harry's increased involvement, given the maturity he had proven and his inevitable participation in the fight against Voldemort.

When she entered Headquarters, Minerva was surprised to see Alastor, Kingsley, and Hestia all standing stock-still at the entrance to the drawing room, varying expressions of shock on their faces. She slipped in between Kingsley and Hestia, and the sight in front of her forced to reconsider two people she had so recently thought of as responsible and mature.

Harry Potter sat in an armchair near the window, both of his hands firmly grasping the ripped jeans-clad bum of Nymphadora Tonks, member of law enforcement and seven years his senior. The Metamorphmagus straddled Harry, clenching his hair. Why the two hadn't reacted to the presence of the Order was quite clear: they were kissing madly, as if their very lives depended on constant contact of their mouths.

"Ahem." Minerva cleared her throat, and the couple quickly detached, looking at the group with matching expressions of those who had just been caught red-handed. Expressions she had seen on both before, though in the case of Nymphadora, she was particularly glad this incident did not involve a distinct lack of clothing, the Charms corridor, and a traumatized first year. "Enjoying yourselves?" she continued dryly. Tonks and Harry shared a quick glance, but they didn't speak.

"What's your story this time?" Alastor asked gruffly. "Hand to hand combat training?"

"Checking for injuries?" Kingsley added.

"An accidental fall?" Hestia's voice brimmed with amusement.

"A dare?" Minerva said, referencing Tonks's past misdeeds. "Or an illegal dragon?"

Tonks and Harry turned their gazes to one another again, and Minerva was disconcerted to see they seemed to be having a conversation simply with their eyes. After they came to some conclusion, both shrugged. "Snogging," they admitted in unison.


	8. What Ron Didn't Get

**Author's Note:** This takes place between chapters 2 & 1. This is for Eric13, Girophobe, Zucht, & EmeralDragon23, who have all been patiently waiting for the long-promised Ron chapter.

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><p><strong>What Ron Didn't Get<strong>

Ron didn't know why Tonks was in the castle that Saturday, but he was less than thrilled when she joined him and Harry for an early breakfast before their Quidditch practice. His brief exposure to the Metamorphmagus over the summer had not been pleasant; the normally cheerful witch was quiet, withdrawn, and decidedly depressing.

"So why are you up so early, boys?" Tonks asked as she sat next to Harry across from Ron. Hermione, of course, was still avoiding Ron, and Lavender was still asleep (_thank Merlin_).

"Quidditch practice," Harry answered. As Ron grabbed a handful of toast, he noticed Harry grinning at her in a foolish way. Well, Harry had always liked Tonks.

"What are you doing here?" Ron asked through a mouthful.

She rolled her eyes and finished chewing before she spoke. "They decided to have us Aurors rotate in the castle. Been up all night and I'm starving." She added jam to her toast. "I miss Quidditch. It was always fun."

"Did you play?" Harry questioned.

She nodded. "For a few years. One of the only female Beaters in my time. Still have my Comet Two Sixty."

"Two Sixty's look nice, but they aren't much for performance. I've a Cleansweep Eleven; naught to seventy in ten seconds," Ron boasted. It may not have been the best, but he loved his broom. "Harry has a Firebolt. I rode it once. Brilliant, that was."

"I'd like to take a ride on Harry's broom," Tonks murmured.

"You should, someday," Ron interjected, wondering why Harry was so red all of a sudden.

"Because, y'know, I've never ridden anything that fast. Firebolts are supposed to be quite fast, right?" she continued, looking from Ron to Harry with an oddly mischievous smile.

"Fastest broom in production," Harry mumbled, rapidly shoveling eggs into his mouth.

"Although if the broom was too fast, that would take all _my_ fun away, now wouldn't it?"

Harry choked, and Tonks thumped him on the back. "How? The faster, the better," Ron said, staring at the two. Harry grew even redder, and Tonks started to giggle. _She's definitely getting a bit barmy._

"Oh, I reckon going fast wouldn't be too bad." Tonks offered the bowl of potatoes to Ron before piling some on her own plate. "We should all play sometime over the Christmas hols. You can be the seeker, Harry. Would you like to catch my Snitch?"

"You have a Snitch? Did you nick one?" Ron asked curiously.

"All girls have Snitches, Ron."

"They do?" Were they still talking about Quidditch?

Tonks grinned. "Oh yes, and a pair of Quaffles as well. Ask that blonde girl."

"Luna?" Ron had always thought of Tonks as down-to-earth, but if she believed in the same things as Loony Lovegood, Nargles and wrackspurts and the like, he was going to have to rethink his original assessment.

"She means Lavender, Ron," Harry said, giving Tonks a penetrating look.

"Oh. Well, I'll do that then."

Tonks snorted with laughter, spraying scrambled eggs across the table. "Oops, sorry."

They ate in silence for a few minutes as other early risers began to filter into the Great Hall, many giving Tonks an odd glance or two. Whether it was because she was an Auror sitting at the Gryffindor table or because she had violently purple hair pulled back into two plaits, Ron didn't know. And now that he thought about it, since when could she change her hair again? Hadn't they decided over the summer that she'd lost her powers? Strange.

The plate of sausages refilled itself, and Harry helped himself to some before offering it to Ron. "Sausage?"

"Can I try some of your sausage, Harry?" Tonks asked suddenly, looking not at the plate but at Harry, a wide grin on her face.

Harry had gone red again (perhaps he was getting sick; hopefully not, as they had a match coming up), so Ron answered. "They're not his, they're for everyone. Honestly, Tonks, you'd think you'd never eaten at Hogwarts before."

"I know, I just mixed up my words."

Ron was rarely one to rush a meal, but he was ready to get away from the Metamorphmagus. Tonks was acting like she was on something. Harry was, too, for that matter. Ron eyed the pumpkin juice suspiciously. Had it gone bad? Shrugging, he cleared his plate in record time and practically dragged Harry away.

"Have fun, boys," Tonks called. "If you like, I'll come with and hold your balls."

Ron exchanged a look with Harry, stopping in their tracks. "What?"

"While you warm up."

"No thanks, Tonks, we can just leave them in the case."

Shrugging, Tonks ran after them anyway. "I'll walk you out, then. Got nothing else to do besides nap in my room at the Three Broomsticks, and even as tired as I am, that gets boring. And lonely."

"You should come round the castle more often, then," Harry offered with a smile.

"I might do that," Tonks answered, her eyes glinting like she knew a secret. "After all, a girl gets tired of cleaning her own pipes."

"Pipes?" Ron repeated. "They make you do your own cleaning at the Three Broomsticks? Blimey, I'd stay somewhere else."

"And they get right agitated if you forget to silence your room when you do, too," continued Tonks.

Ron shook his head. "Tonks, I've known you for a long time, so I don't feel bad saying that if you clean so loudly that people can hear you in other rooms, you need to practice your spells more."

"I'll do that," Tonks promised with a badly stifled laugh.

By her tone, Ron reckoned she was making fun of him. He meant it as nicely as possible. It was a good thing Bill hadn't gone for Tonks over Fleur. She was a mess, couldn't even clean properly.

"So how are your classes?" Tonks asked as they left the castle.

Harry shrugged, hands thrust in his jacket pockets against the cold. "Good. Busy, but good."

"Busy doesn't cover it," Ron added. "You'd think we were taking our NEWTs this year, not next."

"Ah, NEWT classes," Tonks said reminiscently. "I remember that. I always reckoned I should have taken out stock in a parchment company, I used so much."

Ron nodded in agreement. "No kidding. McGonagall set us weekly essays at least a foot long. Have you done yours for Monday, Harry? I don't even know how to start."

"I have a few sentences, but nothing good."

Tonks glanced at him sideways with a sly grin. "Really, Harry? I reckoned you had _at least_ six inches last time I checked."

Harry started coughing violently, so Ron spoke for him. "What are you talking about? When would you see Harry's homework?"

"Ran into … after library … offered help," Harry managed to get out, still clearing his throat. "Decided to go a different way."

"After you were halfway done?" Ron asked, now wondering if Harry was going as barmy as Tonks. "What a waste. You're acting like Hermione."

"And what's bad about that?" Tonks demanded, rounding on Ron so fiercely he sped up his walk. "Something wrong with being smart?"

"No."

"Hardworking?"

"No."

"Compassionate?"

"No."

"Pretty?"

"No."

"So you think Hermione's pretty?" she concluded triumphantly, sharing a smile with Harry.

"I didn't say that," Ron protested hastily. Actually, he did have a certain fascination with the way curls always framed Hermione's face, but no one needed to know that.

"Oh, so you think she's ugly?"

"Of course she's not!" _Bugger._

Tonks and Harry laughed, exchanging another one of those looks that Ron couldn't interpret. Then Tonks stumbled over grass or something (always tripping, she was) and would have fallen had Harry not caught her.

"Thanks, Harry," she said with a cheerful smile. "Falling into your arms again. And not a bit of firewhiskey this time."

Ron started to ask if she drank firewhiskey regularly, though he never noticed the stale smell that Sirius and Dung had often carried, but then thought better of it. This peek he'd gotten into the inner workings of Tonks had left him more confused than ever. He didn't know what she was on about half the time, and he was beginning to think he didn't want to know.

The rest of the walk to the Quidditch pitch was fairly uneventful, and when they arrived Tonks turned to leave. "Alright then, I'll let you boys get on with it. Have fun."

Ron had to admit he felt a bit of relief as Tonks made her goodbyes. Although he had always liked Tonks before she went all depressed, the breakfast conversation had been decidedly off. He had felt oddly left out of the loop the entire time, though Tonks talked to him just as much as Harry.

And then Tonks did something that made Ron forget about the conversation entirely. After glancing around furtively, she walked over to Harry, curled one hand around his neck and into his hair, and pulled him down for an entirely inappropriate, very thorough, clearly reciprocated kiss. A kiss so hot Ron nearly blushed.

"Bye, Harry," Tonks said when she released him, winking. "Bye, Ron."

"Bye," both echoed automatically.

When Ron looked at Harry, he was stunned to see that Harry, though flushed and grinning rather stupidly, did not look as Ron would have: so surprised he would have keeled over. "_Harry_?"

Harry brushed at his fringe, his grin turning both embarrassed and pleased. "Yeah, about that. Tonks and I are, well, sort of together."

Ron stared.

"I mean, we have something going on, just not sure what."

Ron stared.

"I like her and I think she likes me, and we have a lot of fun."

Ron stared.

"I reckoned you would have figured it out by what she was saying, but I guess not."

Ron stared.

"Er, Ron?" Harry waved a hand in front of his face. "Alright, mate?"

Ron struggled to process this new information. Tonks was Charlie's age. Tonks, when she chose to be, was a stone cold fox. And Harry had ... Merlin's balls! "So ... your broom ... and the pipes ... and – and ... inches? She wasn't talking about any of those?"

Harry was in the midst of a full-on blush. "Er, no. She has quite a grasp on the use of euphemisms."

"So you and Tonks ... you did ... you had ... you were _together_?" Ron stuttered, not sure if he was jealous or impressed or just flabbergasted.

Harry couldn't hide his grin. "Yes."

In these situations, Ron could only ever think of one thing to say. "Bloody hell!" This was followed up by a burning question. "How was it, mate?"


	9. What No One Missed

**Author's Notes: **First, I must apologize for the far too long wait. This started as a oneshot which I continued due to requests. Therefore I had no long-reaching plan for this, and so when inspiration dried up, it took me a long time to think of another chapter.

As such, this is the final chapter, meaning this story is complete. I want to thank all who have read, reviewed, favorited, alerted, and added this to a C2. I never expected such a response, and I am very grateful. I hope you enjoy the ending. By the way, I resurrected Amelia Bones. I can do that, you know. This takes place right after chapter 4. Chronologically, it's the last chapter.

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><p><strong>What No One Missed<strong>

"AUROR TONKS!"

A young man with a shaved head peered around the edge of the messy cubicle belonging to one N. Tonks. "Tonks? What the hell did you do to piss off Bones this time?"

The young Auror, currently crouched under her desk, shrugged her shoulders. "Buggered if I know. How bad do you reckon it is, Williamson?"

He peeked over the top of her cubicle, returning with a grim face. "I'd say worse than the Great Purple Robe Catastrophe of 1995."

"Shite."

"Better suck it up and grow a pair, Tonks." Williamson furrowed his brow. "Could you actually do that?"

She flipped him a two-fingered salute as she crawled out of her hiding spot. Standing tall, Tonks smoothed her robes and strode confidently to her doom. She was an Auror; she'd battled Dark wizards and grown up under a Black. She could handle indignant department heads. If only she could remember what she'd done.

"Yes, Madam Bones?" she said respectfully when she reached the front of the room, facing the rather intimidating witch.

"Not here," she said brusquely. "In my office, now."

Thoroughly bewildered, Tonks followed her boss down the hall. What _had_ she done? She was no stranger to being chastened, but she always knew when it was coming. This ambush left her feeling unbalanced, and she had the wild urge to shout out, "I didn't do it!" Tonks mentally shook her head; immediate denial had never worked at Hogwarts, and it wasn't going to work here.

"Would you like to explain the meaning of this?"

Tonks leaned back from the magazine shoved in her face, trying to focus on the headline. _Ah._ Yesterday's _Witch Weekly_ story revealing her and Harry's relationship.

"Well, as you can see –"

"Do you realize what you've done?" Bones thundered.

Tonks creased her brow. "Er, is the answer anything besides shagged?"

"Shagged," Bones repeated, beginning to walk back and forth behind her desk. "Shagged. _Shagged_." Amazingly, she began to laugh. "Shagged!"

Tonks simply stared. Sure, she'd known that their relationship would blow a few minds, and she was well prepared for a bit of scandal, but the unflappable Amelia Bones was not one she'd expected to overreact. And why was she acting as if Tonks had done something wrong? Harry was the age of consent.

Bones ceased laughing as quickly as she had started. "Oh, my dear," she said in a surprisingly sympathetic voice. "You really have no idea, do you?"

Tonks cleared her throat, assuming a properly professional stance and tone. Best just to get whatever this was over with. "Madam Bones, I am unaware of any transgressions I have committed, and if it please you, I would appreciate it if you would enlighten me."

"Very well." Bones tossed the magazine on her desk and took a seat, folding her hands. "As you said, Auror Tonks, you shagged."

"I don't understand. Harry is sixteen, the age of consent. I haven't broken any laws."

"No, you haven't. What you have done is invoked a very old one."

"Um … okay. What exactly did I do?"

"You'd better sit down." Tonks did just that, her stomach beginning to do flips at the seriousness of her boss's tone. Bones leaned forward. "Tonks, you and Mr. Potter are married."

Tonks began to guffaw, relaxing in her seat. Bones had really had her going there for a while, thinking she'd done something horrible. She supposed this was the normally stern Head's idea of a joke. It wasn't a bad one up until the punch line, really.

"That's a good one, Madam Bones," she admitted, still laughing. "I mean, you had me well worried for a moment. Married – oh yeah, that's funny!"

"Do I look like I'm making a joke?"

Her laughter faded to an uneasy chuckle. "Well, no, you don't look it, but with all due respect, I don't think I've ever seen you smile."

"I'm not anywhere close to smiling now. I wish this was a joke." Bones stood and selected an enormous book from the shelves behind her. When she dropped it onto the desk, a cloud of dust rose up, making both women cough.

"'Ye Ancient Rites and Rituals, Volume Three: On the Subject of Matrimonial Contracts,'" Tonks read off the cover.

"Turn to page 394," Bones instructed. Tonks did so. "Section two, article C, first paragraph. Read it aloud, please."

"'Wherein a witch or wizard of minority (that is, less than seventeen years of age) engages in consensual sexual intercourse with a witch or wizard of the age of majority, and furthermore makes a public declaration of notice, the two parties shall be joined in matrimony from that point forward.'" Tonks stopped, blinking, before reading it again to herself. And then a third time.

"Oh yes," Bones replied to her unasked question, Tonks being incapable of speaking for the moment. "It's very old legislation put forth during the Middle Ages in order to prevent encounters between inappropriate parties. Given that one is required to give public notice of the relationship, it hasn't been invoked in a very long time. In fact that's probably the reason it remains to this day; it's been forgotten."

Some sort of strangled noise issued from the young Auror.

Bones continued in a businesslike manner. "I'm only aware of what happened because your name and Mr. Potter's appeared on the marriage registry. Given his past, you can imagine we keep rather close tabs on Mr. Potter." She pulled out a roll of parchment and slid it in front of Tonks, who managed to focus her brain enough to note the two names, including her dreadful given name. "So? You've landed in a marriage with a teenager. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"You have to be shitting me!" Tonks blurted out loudly.

Her boss arched her eyebrows. "I am most decidedly not 'shitting' you, Auror Tonks. You are indeed married."

"Huh," was all Tonks managed in a weak voice.

Bones rose, taking Tonks by the hand and escorting her to the door. "I'm sure it will all work out," she said not unkindly. "You've been trained to adapt to unexpected circumstances. Consider this a lifelong mission."

"Okay," Tonks mumbled, still in a daze.

"Oh, and congratulations."

**oOo**

"Are you _sure_?" Harry asked for the fourth time.

"I read it with mine own eyes, Harry."

"Yes, but are you sure? This has to be some kind of joke. It's just too ridiculous to be true, even in this occasionally archaic world." He grinned. "Like the arranged marriage stunt you fell for."

Tonks scowled. "I did get you back for that. If you've forgotten, I'm sure I can arrange another showing."

"No, that's quite alright, thank you," said Harry hastily. "It's still very fresh in my mind."

Rolling over on her back to gaze at the sky, stretched out underneath a tree at the Burrow, she sniggered. "At least we gave you proper wanking material."

Harry sputtered indignant denials, so incensed that Tonks suspected she had stumbled upon the truth. Not that she cared, guilty of a few inappropriate dreams herself.

"And you're sure?" Harry asked once more after he calmed down.

"No, I'm lying. Really had you going, didn't I?"

"Really?"

"No."

Harry slumped against the tree, making a face. Suddenly he sprang up, walking toward the house with a purposeful stride.

Tonks scrambled to her feet. "Where are you going?"

"To buy you a ring."

"Really?"

"No." She made a face, and he grinned. "I'm going to find Hermione."

"Why?"

"When in doubt, I go to Hermione. If it's in a book, she knows about it. If she doesn't know about it, she won't stop until she does."

She shrugged, catching up with Harry and taking his hand. "Hermione it is, then."

**oOo**

To say the news of their apparent nuptials went over badly was an understatement. After many tears, throats hoarse from yelling, and pleading owls to Amelia Bones, it finally became a matter over and done.

Until someone (it was never clear as to who) decided they needed an after-the-fact wedding.

Tonks refused point blank. Harry was alarmed. Molly persuaded. Andromeda threatened. The twins took bets. Bill gave advice. Ron asked about the food. Ginny asked about the dress. And when Dumbledore offered to officiate, it was settled for the day after Harry's seventeenth birthday.

Which is how Tonks found herself in her childhood room at her parents' home, frowning at the mirror.

"Sweetheart, you can't make that face on your wedding day."

"I'm wondering if a white dress is really appropriate." Molly and her mother blanched, and Ginny and Hermione burst into giggles. Tonks hurried to continue. "Not that! I just meant since we're already technically married."

"Nothing about this is the way I imagined your wedding day," Andromeda said firmly. "You're wearing the dress."

"Fine, fine." As dresses went, it wasn't terrible. More of a cocktail dress than a traditional wedding dress, it was very simple and, of course, white. She wore flats; Tonks had enough trouble maintaining balance without the added difficulty of heels.

"Are you ready?" Ginny asked, fussing over a few stray pink hairs.

"Oh, yeah." A multitude of raised eyebrows faced Tonks. "What? It's not as if I have a choice in the matter, right?"

"Suppose you don't, at that," admitted Molly.

"Okay, then. Let's go get me married. Again."

**oOo**

Harry stood in the garden outside, waiting for his bride. The term still made him laugh. The Weasley men and Neville gathered around him, uncomfortable in fancy black dress robes.

"Harry," Ron said in a low voice. "Your Firebolt is in the kitchen. One word and you could be out of here before she can say 'jilted.'"

"Thanks, Ron, but I'm good. Really."

"Are you sure? Because –"

Charlie elbowed his younger brother. "Shut up, Ron. If he wants to do it, he wants to do it. And it's already done."

"I'm just saying –" This time, all it took was a look to quiet him.

Dumbledore appeared, beaming. "Ah, the wonderful celebration of young love! It is time, my dear boy, it is time. Let us have a wedding!"

**oOo**

In due order Harry and Tonks found themselves facing each other in front of all their loved ones. When Dumbledore made the traditional request for any who opposed the marriage to speak up (which both found queer, since legally they already were), they were surprised to see much shifting and murmuring. Everyone had been, if not supportive, at least resigned to the inevitable.

"Ah, yes, well, if I may have the rings?" Dumbledore said, uncharacteristically flustered.

Ron and Hestia exchanged looks. Ron finally stepped forward to speak to Harry. "Are you sure you want to do this, mate?"

"Ron!" Harry hissed. "Not the time."

He brushed at his hair. "Yeah, I know, it's just that, well …"

"This has gone far enough!" Ted stood up, striding to the front of the aisle. "Dora, Harry, you don't have to get married."

"Dad, we've been over this. We already are," Tonks said impatiently.

"No, you're not." Amelia Bones stood up in the crowd of seated guests. "I agree with Ted. They're about to reach the point of no return. Tonks, Mr. Potter, you are not married. It was a hoax."

Judging by the calm reaction of the guests, limited mostly to knowing grins and a bit of laughter, it was a very widespread, elaborate hoax.

"Uh, what do you mean?" Tonks asked, bewildered.

"I mean we made it all up. That law doesn't exist, the marriage register was faked. I must say, I'm rather disappointed in your lack of detective skills, Auror Tonks."

"You – you were all in on this?" said Harry, looking around. "Even you?"

Dumbledore smiled gently. "While it was certainly not my idea, I found it rather amusing. I was known to enjoy a good prank or two in my time. Why, once in my fifth year, I –" Harry cleared his throat. "Yes, perhaps a story for another day."

"You really didn't think you got it past all of us?" Hestia said, smirking.

"Word spreads fast, and you two have to be the least subtle couple I've ever seen," Bill remarked.

"I knew as soon as I saw the Wrackspurts," contributed Luna dreamily.

Ginny nodded. "I hate to break it to you, but everyone figured it out."

Tonks offered a strained smile. "I suppose I should congratulate you on a prank well done, but, the thing is, we do have to get married."

"Sweetheart, don't be thick. We just explained you don't," said Andromeda.

"You don't understand. Yes, we do." Harry stepped closer to Tonks, placing one hand on her belly. "For the baby."

The silence was deafening. Ted and Molly wore murder in their eyes, and even Dumbledore didn't have words for the moment. Everyone was startled when Hagrid burst into tears, honking his nose loudly in an enormous handkerchief.

"Oh, bless 'im, Harry's gonna be a daddy!" he sobbed.

"When we thought we were married, we just kind of stopped thinking about protection," Harry explained, flushing.

"So you see, we do have to get married," Tonks said with tears in her eyes. "I don't want to be a single mum."

"You won't be," Harry reassured her. Together they turned to face Dumbledore again, patiently waiting for the now-real ceremony to begin.

He cleared his throat. "Oh my dear, I am so sorry, but I must inform you that I am not actually qualified to marry you."

Tonks's shoulders began to shake as if sobbing, and the still-standing Amelia rushed forward. "Don't cry, Tonks, for heaven's sake. I'm legally allowed, I'll marry you and Harry if you want."

A strange choking sound emerged from the Metamorphmagus, and when she and Harry turned around again, it was revealed that she wasn't crying. They were laughing.

"You truly – believe – that I was – stupid enough – to get – knocked up?" Tonks gasped, holding one hand to her aching ribs.

Harry leaned over, resting his hands on his knees, guffawing. "Maybe we weren't so good at hiding it, but you have to give us some credit."

"You're – you're not having a baby?" Arthur stammered.

They shook their heads, both too overcome to speak again.

"Oh thank Merlin, I'm not going to be a grandmother!" Andromeda exclaimed, holding a hand to her head.

"What's going on? I'm really confused," admitted Ron.

Harry and Tonks shared a grin, finally pulling themselves under control, and he gestured for her to begin. "First of all, Madam Bones, I'm the one that's highly disappointed that you would believe me to be so gullible. Of course I double-checked, but I wasn't going to do it while you were in the room. Furthermore, you might want to find a secretary that can tell the difference between you and a Metamorphmagus."

Harry picked up the tale. "So then we did what you should have done: we got to Hermione first."

Hermione stepped forward, smiling rather shyly. "So when Ronald finally got around to letting me in on the secret –" She threw him a dirty look. "– I already knew about it, and that just confirmed it."

"And we just wanted to see how far you were going to take it," said Tonks. "I'm very impressed."

"So now it's all out in the open," Harry declared. "Tonks and I are together, we are not married and aren't going to be anytime soon, and we definitely aren't having a baby." He threw a worried glance at Tonks. "Right, sweets?"

She agreed with a very definite nod before raising one hand to quiet the spreading conversation. "But since we have all this food and booze, might I suggest a party anyway?"

A few hours later, the party was in full swing, During a lull in the music, Harry and Tonks stood up, tapping their glasses for attention.

Harry raised his glass, and everyone mirrored. In unison with Tonks he said, "To what no one missed!"


End file.
